family reflection for theo class

Babies....there is no doubt i´m going to have children because rocking Mariann to sleep is one of the most peaceful experiences i have had since being here. That baby is loved. So many people come by the house and talk to her, her mom and grandma are great to her and she has everything she needs. I cant explain how neat it is to look at her little hands and wonder where they will be and what their future is. On the contrary, looking at children working in the dump is one of the hardest things to see. Babies living in poverty with little bite marks all over them....it is horrible. But back to christian families, I have always thought of filling up a church pew with a family. I just think that even as much as my faith struggles, the community of church as the morals learned there are so important for children to be in.
This is going to be so scattered. I guess it is perfect time though because i just got done talking to my family which was really nice. i wish i could have just relaxed and talked to them. My best friend just got engaged today too and I just got that news. It is so exciting and neat to think of a christian family now because she got engaged in the church her and Josh met in in high school. They will have a christian family i{m sure. full of love and beauty.
I think living within the family here though just makes me think about how families need love and trust. Good men are hard to come by here, but i have seen how loved the baby in my family is without men. Although i want that man, that father, to have a christian family i don't think that is as important. I think the most important call within a family is to love each other and be there for each other even when things are not as easy.
As far as living with family, well, that is great but hard too. i really enjoy my family. I{d like to spend more time with them, but at the same time, i find myself trying to please them and stay our of their way. They don't act as if i am in their way, but i guess just wanting to be liked is what makes me feel the way i do. For example, the family was going to church this morning, and i really did not want to. I do not enjoy church here much because i don't understand most of it...probably because i don't try to understand but tune it out, but i didn't want to go. I went anyways because I wanted them to know I wanted to be with them.
Sometimes i still feel like a guest in the way that i realize what i would do at home and what i don't do there, or even that i help more here, or feel like i should. i realize how much my family does for me and how much i take for granted. i feel like i{m served here, which i am, but i realized that when i am at my house at home, i am served just as much. i am called when it is time to eat and i go, but here i feel bad and want to do more. at home i don't...but its the same thing, my mom works all day and then cooks and puts the food on the table, and i just go and eat and bring my dishes to the dishwasher. Here i feel guilty about that, but at home i never have. it´s an interesting difference that makes me appreciate what my family does for me.
I am not too uncomfortalbe living here. yes it gets hot, but fans help. cold showers are not too bad after i plunge my head in and am already in it. sometimes it even feels good. I think the uncomfortalbe thing within the family is that i feel odd just walking off and closing my door...and today, i saw a holiday inn, and was like, ooohhh, that looks so nice...and then i realized that it is huge cooperative institution that has made it{s way into a developing country and felt totally wrong about it, but totally wanted to jump in the pool and just relax. It is also a bummer when there is no water because it goes off occasionally. i wish i could come home after a long day and take a cold shower. haha.
All in all though, the family has been a place of peace for me. A place where i watch mother and daughter interact and just love it. It´s family and it´s love, and i love that little baby and all the love she has in her life.