What am I doing?!?!?!

Everyone says, “We want to know what you are doing.” Sometimes I want to know what I’m doing!!! Haha. The last few weekends I have went off island to Uman for the SCA entrance test, Tsis to spend time with my host family, and Fefen to cook on the Emmaus Retreat for the juniors. All of these experiences were wonderful. I got to be with Chuukese people, get off island and change my routine, and see beautiful places…not to mention boat and ship rides!!! They were all wonderful experiences, being on islands that don’t have cars, TVs, or power outside of occasional solar panels, but the theme of each trip what…what do I do? What am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing. It’s funny because I thought by now I would feel more like I know what I’m doing, but I don’t when I’m among Chuukese people only.
Then there is class…What am I doing? I have no idea. Father Fran put it well in one of his publications…we get good at being a jack of all trades but a master of nothing. That’s definitely the classroom. I love the learning part, and even teaching when the students get it, but the discipline part I feel horrible at. Either I’m a pushover or a bitch…recently I’ve been feeling more like a bitch…But the point of this is not my bitchiness, it’s that I’m teaching classes that I haven’t taken since high school, and never studied. I say “I don’t know” often, love it when students explain what I mean when I don’t know how to explain it, and sometimes just make stuff up to paraphrase from the books when I really really done know!!! Haha. Yet, I’m teaching these things.
So, I know that wasn’t really your question. What do I do here? Well, I teach and I travel by boat to various other islands. I’m never really sure what I’m doing there other than enjoying the company of other people who are usually taking care of the pwetcha pwetch (white one), and wishing I didn’t feel so much like a child, yet enjoying being here. I notice the ocean and palm trees, I notice the people who are taking care of me, my students who smile and laugh with me and especially welcome me, wanting me to enjoy myself, and I realize I wont be here forever. That’s been what I’ve been doing recently. I’ve been thinking a lot about Taylor (my future niece) and feeling like I’m going to miss so much at the beginning of her life. This has been really hard for me because I already love her so much and cant wait to meet her, yet, I know she’s going to be about 1 before I meet her. I remind myself that we’ll have the rest of our lives to know one another while I only have a little time here. Then I think of the beauty and people I’m with and feel such a paradox.
So, this paradox in Micronesia consists of palm trees, crystal blue green oceans, and culture. I have been blessed this month to really get some culture. When I went to Uman, I gave the test, feeling like I should have just sent the test with the other Chuukese person. Even though I didn’t know what I was doing and relied heavily on Chuukese people, but the weekend was wonderful. They were REALIABLE!!! Haha. Anyhow, I was with the priest most of the time who treated me so kindly. One of the deacons on the island was the high chief of the island, and I learned what that meant. The chiefs are asked if people can visit the island, they are part of the government, and it is a maternal system. The oldest male on the mothers side is the chief if they are living in the area. It was really awesome! And he was the coolest guy joking around and such! I loved spending time with him. Also while on Uman I got to walk around the island with the students. There are no cars on the island which is wonderful, so we walked a beaten path. Obviously I fell because that’s what I do when I walk, and three weeks later still have the bruise, but it was great.
The following weekend I went with my host family to Tsis. I was still the pwetcha pwetch noticeably because everyone looked at me, yelled things to me, and said things to my host sisters when they were staring at me, but whatever. It actually gets really annoying but what can I do. I’m like a ghost or something (side note, while on Uman, the host sister I had there told me in church “people really like to look at you, they just keep staring” and I replied “they like to touch me too to see if I’m real!!!” and we laughed a little while shaking our head at the whole thing). So on Tsis I relaxed, spent time with my host family, went swimming and net fishing, and sat around. I played with my awesome little host siblings again, and joked with them, and really didn’t do much. Being white I again felt like the girls were in charge of making sure I didn’t get hurt, didn’t need anything, and so on, but it was nice having my host mom there who kinda gets that it’s ok for me to just sit around and chill while everyone goes about their own lives.
And finally, this weekend I went to Fefen where I cooked hot dog soup for the juniors on retreat. Yes, I said hot dog soup. There is a paradox here with food too. Natural foods are wonderful…fish, fruit, and the grown food here…some of it not “Wonderful” but much more healthy and something I’d prefer to be consuming, and then there is sodium filled food…hot dogs, canned meat, ramen, and other not so healthy cheap food which is bought and used regularly because…it’s cheap. I eat hot dogs about every other day here and really, when I get home never want to see a hot dog again. Anyhow…the paradox…there is that great food, horrible food that sucks the life out of you, and then there is the chicken. Let me tell you about this chicken. AAAAMAZING. Chuukese grilled chicken will forever make my mouth water. First, picture the grill…some kind of piece of metal that can have fire under it….anything that can be elevated with fire under or in it….in this weekends case, two metal roof sheets bent, and then there is a window cage or some other kind of metal something or another that food won’t fall through. Then it’s marinated in amazing-ness, grilled and succulently eaten. I would give away the nade, but, I’m going to cook it when I come home and want to be the one to make this chicken for YOU!!! So that was part of Fefen. The other part is I got to spend time with an amazing class filled with leaders and wonderfully sweet students who I LOVE! I got to hug them, tell them how wonderful they are, and spend time with Chuukese. Then, the last day, I had my hand kissed by an elderly Chuukese woman…pwetcha pwetch moment if I ever called it!!! (Again!!!) Oh, and I had my first real SHIP ride on the way home from Fefen…pretty cool!!!
So that’s what I do, where I’ve been, and a long sample of my life here. Sometimes being a foreigner still gets to me. You’d think I’d be good at it by now, but, sometimes being stared at and treated differently is just frustrating. Then there is the beauty of islands which is amazing, food, people, students, and the list goes on. Why do I always write so much?!?! Enough, miss ya’ll and love you!
Love,
Jessica