faith or lack there of

so i´m not sure how many of you know, but i have had a lot of questions concerning faith since entering college. it´s not like what it was before in high school...like a blind faith. so, last night i was having a conversation in spanish with ryan and kristin about it being hard to study tho and not having really strong convictions or passion...it was my question to kristin because she doesnt really believe in the God or Jesus that most people do, and i just started talking about how there is just this empty place in desire for God in me, and how i feel almost guilty having this scholarship and being here when theology is not my passion. i also miss having that relationship with God where i know. The thing that really got me was when kristin asked me if i believe in God...that is such a hard question for me to answer. i guess right now i believe in God or a higher being, but im still not so sure about jesus. i believe jesus lived and was fabulous, but its giving the bible credit...how can we say the bible is divinly inspired and believe that so incredibly when muslims say that the koran is divinly inspired through mohammad? who is to say we´re correct. then kristin asked other things about both being correct, but more being stories to live our lives by, more than the truth....idk...it was really interesting, and the thing is, we both see our God in people, through people, but thats the only place she sees god, and i also feel there is a greater god in heaven, i just want so much more of a relatioship with that god...more of a passion and trust for that god. so, yea, thats kind of an update here. i´m still searching, still confused, still missing something inside that i´m looking for....maybe i´ll find it. my host mom here is a head of a CBC and totally into liberation theology so possibly i´ll learn a lot from here! i hope.

thats probably the most true to where i am right now in this experience....wanting God, wanting faith....wanting clerity and what i used to have when i was young. so much of me is still drawn to what i am confortable with...but i want to make sure it´s not just because thats all i know...but i do want that back.
other than that here, things are going well. we´re going to a theater tonight with our moms for their mothers day. um, i dont know what else...nothing really has changed. its hot, cold showers actually feel kinda good...thats about it...nothing exciting....you can leave questions or comments and i will respond to them tho! i´d love to have some! if you dont wanta leave comments you can e-mail me. ok, til later! love,
Jessica