HOME

So I am home. I have been home since the 23rd of July and is has been a lot easier than the last time, but man am i bored. So much happened in the last two months that I cannot even begin to explain, but i was ready in some ways to come home. I have really enjoyed some things that i now consider guilty pleasures, but yet pleasures. For example, air conditioning, my car, hot showers, and swimming in pools or going boating. These are luxuries that I am very grateful to have. To be perfectly honest, i am alright being home and soaking these things up. There are people i miss no doubt and things i would like to still be doing in the way of seeing and experiencing. The only struggle i'm really having being home this time is being incredibly bored and wanting to be around people. I feel like i have a lot of things to do alone, but i just want to be around people. I think that is my biggest culture shock right now is the lack of togetherness here. So if you are reading this...get me out of my house and around other people!!!! PLEASE!!!

On another note, before i came home i went back to El Salvador. That was a beautiful time. I went back to my praxis site, El Cedro and a lot had changed but all good changed. They have a garden there now to grow plants, there is running water accessible to anyone and def. more clean than what they probably used before. They are doing more artisan stuff to sell, and there is another teacher there so the pre-school and kinder garden groups can have their own time and space. It was really neat to be able to understand better and communicate myself. It is amazing what you hear and notice when you hear the words people use. For example, where i stayed in Cedro, the husband asked if i was here because i had to come for business or something, and the wife said, "no, i think she is here because she cares about us." It was really great to be able to hear that they know that. Just little funny things too, or anything in general was nice to understand. I think I may have forgotten how much people in Cedro struggle for life tho and to feed their family. I forgot how hard the cycle is there and hearing people still talk about the gangs and the violence was real again. I got to spend the day before Cedro with Sor Lidia which was nice. She is an inspiring woman. I am a little sad to know that she is going to be leaving El Salvador in January and being placed somewhere else, but to hear what she wants to do, and through that to see how much she loves people was great. She would like to work in Haiti, or work with gangs, or she could be working with immigrants in Guatemala/Mexico, or something else, but the work she could be doing is just splendid and what she already has done too is something amazing.

After time in Cedro and with Sor, I went to see my friend Danielle who is working for 2 years in El Salvador and went out to dinner and just had a really chill night. She is so peaceful and true to herself-really one of the best people to be around and have a conversation with. She seems to understand a lot more and be so present to whoever she is with. I got to sleep in that day before i went out to Tepecoyo to visit my good friend Wiliam.

Wiliam is the night guard for the program i stayed with and i talked o him a lot at night. He is very insightful, joyous, and just a wonderful person. I took a bus out to Tepecoyo to visit him and his wonderful family. Firstly I was so proud of myself to take the bus by myself and not be incredibly scared out of my mind. That was a big thing for me this time when i went back...I got over being scared a little and realized that if something is going to happen there is nothing i can do about it so why worry so much. Anyhow, the time with Wiliam was AMAZING!!!! Going back to Cedro just to see him and his family is so worth it. I laid in hammocks a lot, I made tortillas, played monopoly, laughed and looked out over the other mountains. I cannot explain how peaceful it was to be there. That family is really something special to me. I really do not know how to explain how peaceful and joyous that time was with them. I was able to tell wiliam that i talked about him in a presentation i did at school because i could see God in him. Even tho God is a struggle for me, Wiliam is one place i see God. I really did not want to leave when i did, but i had other "dates" that day to be at and it turned out to be another really good day.

I went back to the Casa. Oh, insert, the first time i went back there during the day Lidia answered the door and she did not know i was coming or anything and she opens the door and goes "JESSICA!!!!" and said, wow, you remember my name! haha. They have so many students that go through those doors. I was so surprised that she remembered me. That was beautiful. Anyhow, back to the day. I went back and found a note that my lunch date was cancelled but it turned out ok because i was able to spend some time with the kitchen staff that day, take a nap, and just be a little. That day Lidia made me a necklace with the artisan stuff they were doing which was a fabulous gift and she also gave me some banana bread she made. AHHH!!! haha. Lidia's home cooking! Her and Lupita sat down with me a while to catch up too which was exciting. Oh, i got jugolandia that day too...anyone that has been to Salvi understands!!! ahhh, the best juice bar in the world i think. Anyhow, before dinner i got to catch up with an old Casa friend Chris who was in Salvi at the same time. It was great to have an hour together, but i wish it could have been more. He is really awesome and there was so much to talk about, but just being back together in each others presence was great for me. Oh, In also got to catch up with Kevin, one of the program coordinators which was nice.

That night I had plans to hang out with Julio and Neto. It was just a trip of great conversations and beauty. So we went and got papusas just the three of us. It was a lot of fun. We didn't talk about a whole lot, but mostly joked. It was so great though to be with them too, and to pass the relationship that i used to be a student and see each other more as old friends getting back together. I have to say, even though it is hard to stay in contact, i am blessed to have friends to see in sop many places. I can go to these wonderful places and have people there to see and be with. Just a great time and a lot of love.

After that i went back to Danielle’s for the last nights. I think i needed that time to chill out and just be. I had a wonderful cab ride. We were making small talk and it turned into talking about the war and this man was drafted into the government military. He seemed really regretful and told me that the things i knew about 90% of human rights violations happening from that side and the massacres are true. It is shameful to me to know that our government funded that. Anyhow, there was a lot to that conversation, but at the end he asked why the US always has their hands in everything? Why do they get into everything El Salvador is doing. I really dont know a good reason. I just said fear and power. I really feel like that is a lot of it. I do not think we should be so into everyone else’s business. It is a hard line to draw tho as far as how to help best-which we have not done in Salvador...we have harmed them way more than helped...agh.

Other things from there-i got to see Adela again which was nice. Just being around people and getting great hugs was fabulous. I thought about applying as a CC which i might do, but i do not think it is exactly what i'm looking for after college, but we'll see what happens. Speaking of ending college...lets not talk about it. I do not like the idea and do not know what i'm going to do with my life after that. SCARY!!! And, I will be writing a final paper for my class so I will eventually post that i think. If anyone wants to talk about any of this, I would be more than happy to meet you somewhere. I love to talk about it, but not a 10 min convo of how was it, because i cant really explain anything at all in that time. I'm pretty free these next couple of weeks tho.

The best thing i can say tho, challenge yourself to see if for yourself!!! It is worth the money to go there and put yourself out there.

Peace,
Jessica