El Salvador E-mails

This is a bunch of my e-mails and assignments from my time in El Salvador. It is not everything, but it's some of it. I haven't read them since i wrote them over 6 months ago. There are a lot of things that have changed in my thinking since then, and I am in love with what the experience was for me. I miss the people so much now and am hoping to be able to go back to see some of them while i'm in Nicaragua over the summer. I hope these are useful reflections to some people! feel free to comment or e-mail me with more questions. Love,
Jessica

1-11-06

Hey everyone. So I’m here. I made it and am settled in. For those of you who have been here before this is probably going to be a boring e-mail, but I’m gonna go through it for everyone else. I arrived yesterday afternoon. We waited at the airport for the rest of the students coming in around the same time, and then drove about half an hour to la casa. The drive was very interesting. There were people selling coconuts on the side of the rode-many people, and it was very pretty, but then later on the drive there were the towns that made me sad. Little houses close together made of what looked to be metal. Anyhow, we got here and met Trena and the kids who were super nice and fun, and had some sandwiches and watermelon (they have pretty great fruit here). Some people went down to the UCA (University of Central America) and walked around a little, but I stayed and unpacked and put some pics on the wall. I didn’t bring nearly enough pictures of you all. What was I thinking? Later when they got back we had dinner-yes everyone who is wondering, the first day there was rice and beans, but there were with the tortillas, salsa, and hamburger to make burritos. We sat around at the house I am living in and sang and such after dinner, then everyone else came, and we had a little meet and greet thing. Then there was long awaited BED!!! Haha. 2 hours of sleep wasn’t quite enough.

Today started with orientation. We did more introductions and met some of the Salvadorian students staying with us doing the Romero program and learned a little about the program, and met our (as they call them) cooks/aunts/counselors. How fun!!! Recently I just got back from going to the UCA which is B-E-A-Utiful! Totally unexpected how pretty the school was! We went there to see where the 6 Jesuits and their housekeeper and daughter were martyred and Father Rutilio (that name may be wrong) Grande and Msgr. Oscar Romero and info about their martyrdom. It was sad. We saw the rose garden where they were killed and the room the two women were killed which are pics attached (hopefully). After that we walked to the Jugaria (jugo is juice, it was a smoothie place with fresh fruit) and got great smoothies. Now I’m back and writing a long e-mail which will probably be rather normal when I write.

As far as other things, everything here seems really nice. It’s different and I’m sure there are going to be hard times, but after meeting everyone today and talking I think it’s going to be a great community. Everyone seems wonderful and has there own things to bring to the table. It will be a great support network. I’m excited to see how the friends thing goes. I think there will be some great close relationships and everyone knows I love new people!!! I’m a little nervous about my Spanish but I already feel like I’m understanding what people in the group are saying a little more and thinking some phrases in Spanish, but it’s really really hard to understand the Salvadorians. Well, I have to go. It’s dinner time with everyone!

Much love!

Hola todos y todas (everyone),
It’s been over a week now. I can’t believe how much we have done already. We have been to so many praxis sites and have seen a lot there and heard many stories. Some were of hope, and some were of unfortunate circumstances. I saw my first malnourished child which was really hard, and to make the feelings even more difficult, our whole group went up into the mountains to see a spectacular view. We have walked through campos and been welcomed in by everyone. The children here are so adorable. It’s fun to listen to children talk at home, but it’s even better when they talk in another language and laugh at you but are still so patients. Kid’s here are everything. They are the adults hope and never seem to be in the way or being shushed. They are welcomed and loved in good families. I was playing with this little boy about 2 yrs old the other day named Diego, and he was just adorable. He was telling me the colors and about his play turtles and I would ask him how to say things and he would tell me. He even gave me a hug. I can’t wait to get to my site and see the children in el cedro. Apparently I won’t be lacking children there. There is an absurd amount of children to adults here though. Some of the parents leave their families and children to flee to the US in hopes of better lives.
Other than praxis sites, we have been getting to know each other here through the time we spend together and getting to know surroundings more. We have reflections a lot, and meals together as a big group right now. We also went to the beach on Sunday for Amy’s birthday. That was great. We were talking about how lucky we were to be able to go to the beach which sounds crazy, but in this area, there are people that just don’t have the resources to take a day at the beach and enjoy the tropical surroundings. I even tried a real coconut-didn’t like it. Haha. I’m really going to try this time to attach pics of the beach and some other stuff, but that day was great. We played, and relaxed in hammocks (did you all know how amazing hammocks are?!?!). We have been hanging out late at night with whatever time and energy we have left and just talking and playing games. I’m kind of glad that classes are starting now though. I may take that back, but today was the first day of class-and we had a test-haha. It was Spanish class, and just to see where our levels were, but man we jumped right in thinking-haha. Since classes started though I feel like I have a little more alone and free time. I can actually do what I need/want to do. It’s great.
I don’t really know what else to tell everyone. It’s been good though and it’s a whole new experience that I’m just trying to take all in. Spanish is still crazy struggle but humorous at the same time! If there is anything big on the news though, you should all let me know because it’s really hard to read the newspapers in Spanish!!! Haha. Oh, and also, for any of you that are sending cards (mostly family I think), please include pics in them. I didn’t bring nearly enough and I could love to see more of the faces on my walls of the people that I love. I miss you all and hope everything is going well! Thanks for all the e-mails to those of you who sent some. Sorry most of the replies were short.

Love,
Jessica~


January 21, 2007, 11:00PM

Today was much needed. I went to church in San Ramon (one of the praxis sites) and then had nothing else to do all day. It’s the first day since I got here that I haven’t done anything. I napped….oh how needed that was, and then did some laundry. Other than that, I didn’t do much. I have been welcomed to the world of hand washing cloths…oh what a joy. Haha. It’s a long process, but not horrible. I don’t know how well my cloths are clean, but hopefully they don’t smell once they’re dried. Ok, onto more important things you all would probably rather hear about…
We went to my praxis site yesterday. It was amazing. I was worried that I wasn’t going to be in a site that I really cared to be at, but wowzers this is awesome. For those of you familiar with the sites, I’m at El Cedro. When we got there, there were probably 100 kids plus some mothers in a pavilion and all the kids welcomed us all at the same time and they seemed so excited that we were there. It was such a wonderful feeling. 2 of the children had signs that said welcome (in Spanish) “Yessica” and Sabrina. It was so cute how they spelled and said my name. haha. As Sur Lidia was talking she had Sabrina and me come up front, and then later the two kids that had the signs came up and gave them to us and gave us hugs. ADORABLE!!! We took a tour around the community center and saw how they baked break the old fashion way using fire and a big oven type thing (maybe some of you know what I’m talking about because I don’t know how to describe it). We saw were some of the women did embroidering and such, and a new playground they were building, and a room for computers. As we were walking around Sur Lidia was telling us about the reality of the children at El Cedro, and it’s not pleasant. She said the community center is like a paradise for these kids because they come from severe poverty. It’s a community about 45 mins. from our houses, and pretty much in the middle of no where in the mountains (ya, I thought I was from the middle of no where, but I was proven wrong) The families used to farm coffee, but then the owners started to sell small parts of their land, and the people who would by the land would raise corn because that’s the main source of food in El Salvador, but the corn wasn’t enough to make a living, so people started to look for jobs in San Salvador, where they get paid between $4-5 per day, and it takes $1 to get to work. $3-4 as you could imagine isn’t enough to support a family. Other problems that Trena said arose from this is alcohol abuse and domestic violence.
After hearing all this we went back down to the pavilion where the kids sang songs for us, and then asked us to do something for them (nothing like spur of the moment performances). Then we ended up dancing with the kids the rest of the time. During that time I noticed the bad health the kids had due to their noticeably rotting teeth and I noticed one that had a pot belly from malnutrition. These kids were amazing, yet they are living day to day with so many problems and so little necessities. Anyhow, as we were leaving about 20 of them ran down to the bus and gave us hugs and waved our bus off. Tomorrow is my first full day, and I’m excited, but nervous too. It’s going to be great to be around kids, but I can tell just from the things I noticed yesterday, its going to pull at my heart in many different ways.
Oh, and something random, we had a tremor (aka a little earthquake) the other day! Nothing happened other than it scared Anthony in the bathroom-haha. Don’t worry; apparently a little shake is kind of normal here.
Well, I should get going. I have to get up early in the morning and try to understand Spanish more and children speaking it!!! Yipes! I hope everyone is doing well, and would love to hear what’s going on in your lives. I miss ya’ll but I’m really learning about life here and what is reality for people who aren’t as lucky as us. I hope I can share this with you all in words to do it justice. Take care everyone!
Paz y Amor!
Jessica

2-20-07
This past week has been great again. Thursday we had community night, and heard 2 life stories, while laying on mattresses we brought outside, and then me and another girl decided to sleep outside which was super peaceful under the trees in amazing weather (yea, I think I might be rubbing that in a little) The next morning I didn’t have class, and was able to sleep in, and I think the cooks thought we were crazy with our beds outside, but I’m sure they have see just as crazy if not crazier things from past groups.
Friday night I went to a soccer game here. Wow how different that was. It was such an interesting culture-about 95% men, and very vulgar. It was El Salvador vs. Costa Rica. Once we fought through the CRAZY crowd to get to seats, we watched fans chuck water, beer, and even food at Costa Rica fans as they walked in literally drenching them by the time they got somewhere to sit down. Then, once the CR team came out, they started booing them and throwing bags of water towards them, which continued during things such as corner kicks and such. Being white and girls there, we also got soaked on our way out and cat called. I would say after being here for a while that women in the US have it extremely good to an extent. The machismo here is absurd (aka leaving the game we also had about every guy trying to grab our butts but couldn’t do anything about it because of the culture). Matt, you would have flipped had you been there with me!!! It was fun nonetheless though. I might even do it again-haha.
Saturday I went to Tepecoyo with our nightgaurd to see his town and family and spend the day there. It was a lot of fun. I got to see the new house that he is just finishing building which he is super excited about because it’s their own house now and not rented, and its 3 rooms (not bedrooms) instead of 2. We took a trip up into the mountains and could see Tepecoyo, Jayaque, and other towns, along with the ocean and so much of the country. It was great. I was def. my goofy self then too. I forgot my camera, so I pretended to take pics with his older daughter and of course jumped in the 2 inch thick dirt like a child in puddles. Haha.
Sunday I went horseback riding. It was ok. I sure do miss riding horses, but not so much lazy old stubborn ones. Haha. I like a little more excitement in a ride, but it was nice to be around the horses and remember how much I love them. I went to mass that night again, but mass here is just really hard for me. I don’t understand much and can’t participate well in them, but there are some really nice people there and the priest is nice and speaks a little English. Yea!!!
Monday and Tuesday were not really anything special, but today went well. I was at praxis (alone because my partner was sick, as I was Monday) and I surprisingly was able to communicate more-less and understood a lot of what was going on. Sor Lidia said that my Spanish has really improved a lot since the beginning which was great to hear, but I still get frustrated a lot.
Anyhow, I think that is about it. I miss you all and can’t wait to get some spectacular hugs, but as of now, things are good here and I’m not exactly ready to come home and dive right back in the US (but I’m ready to see people from home, there is a difference).
Live you all!
Peace-
Jessica

Hey everyone. I hope you all have been doing well. I’ve been missing some of you a lot recently. This past weekend I had a trip to Belize with the group. We had to renew our visas…It was really fun. We crammed about 30 of us plus bags into a microbus and drove from 6am-about 2pm to Puerto Barrios Guatemala and took a boat across the Caribbean Sea to Puerto Gorda Belize (I may have mixed those two up). It was amazing. My life is fulfilled. I have taken a private cruse across the Caribbean. Anyhow, after that we went to Blue Creek Lodge and stayed there til Sunday morning. We went swimming in caves and in the limestone river in front of all the cabins we stayed in. We had a bonfire and sang songs, walked a little through the rain forest, bought Mayan made crafts and saw how chocolate, fans and Mayan tortillas were made. It was a good trip, although really really hot and humid so close to the coast. It was a really relaxing vacation but nice to get back to El Salvador again. It was just super hot there and there were a lot of bugs and spiders around, and sometimes I’m a bit of a typical girl when it comes to spiders (oh, and scorpions). Having the river right out front and little waterfalls was great though!!! On the way home we were singing on the bus and boat and I realized how attached to these people I am getting and how I can’t imagine not riding through a foreign place without them joking around. The drivers thought we were psycho I think.

Monday and today I had praxis which has been a bit difficult this week. I’m getting frustrated with the language even though some days it flows really well, but other days like today I just can’t get anything people are saying. Also, there are more and more children in the classes every day. I’m definitely not called to be a teacher. I don’t have the patients of teachers and am finding out how much patients they really do have. I think it’s more than a mother some time but I’m sure in time I’ll find out I could be wrong with that too. I much prefer to work with one child at a time than have 10 calling my name and grabbing my hand at the same time. It’s difficult to really get to know them and let them know they are important when you’re constantly telling them to be patient and wait.
This coming week I’m heading out to Nicaragua with my praxis partner, a friend from SLU and another friend here. We’re going there and then a day in Honduras to help translate (we’ll see how that goes since I need a translator myself) for a health clinic group from Marquette. From Honduras we’re going to go to a dance with some of the Salvadoran students that live with us in there home town and come back to regular weeks, so sorry again, but there will be no e-mail next Thursday. I will be traveling around Central America!!! Yea! Anyhow, I think you’re all pretty caught up. I’ll let you all know how spring break goes when I get back to El Salvador!
Hope everything is going well!
Love,
Jessica~

2-22-07
Praxis Seminar
Reflection #2

I didn’t think I was going to have anything to write for this reflection before class today, but then after talking to people I thought of some things that had happened in Praxis since the last reflection. Primarily the funeral stirred up emotions. I really struggled with that, but found that I learned a lot from my experience about myself, the community, and El Salvador. I felt that I learned a little about the unfortunate realities of violence here for one. I also learned that I am not very good at holding in my emotions and how little I know about life here, but learning about Cedro was the a strong part of the day. I saw the community come together like I have never seen before. They were walking from their houses together to go to this funeral and helping each other out any way possible. It made me think how gang violence can affect a whole community that is not even a big part of gang violence.
Another part of praxis that struck me came from talking with Sor Lidia yesterday about how much the children like the going away party at the end of the semester, but how sad they are when we leave and how they don’t understand that we’re not coming back the when the next week rolls around. This made me think of how they do not understand when yet another person leaves their lives. I’ve experienced this before as far as not being able to be a long time support for someone and was bothered by it then too. I was thinking about how many people could have walked in and out of their lives, and I’m just going to be another person they love who leaves them. This is just something that really seems to bother me here. I know there are positives to me being here with them and I can show them love from example and all of such things, but the idea of just leaving them once they’re starting to trust me just seems so harsh.
Past these two struggles I really think my praxis is going well. I think my Spanish is getting better…a little, and I’m enjoying getting to know everyone. The days seem to go pretty fast, which is a way is wonderful because I’m not sitting around wonder what to say, but I do wish I were able to talk to some of the people in the community more and hear their stories. It seems awkward to ask them personal questions though right now. I hope that comes with time.
I think the main thing that gets me at praxis is the children. Estaphany and Fabriocio are just the most adorable loving children. I ask Fabricio for “un abraso de oso” and I almost get choked. Estaphany just looking into her eyes still gets me with her smile. She smiles every time I look at her unless she’s really upset about something. She talks like no one else and always has a story about something. Even though I do not always understand her, just to watch her talk is amazing. Those two children are the perfect example of how to love with all our hears and be so open to loving others with smiles on our faces. I guess love is something that community has. I saw it at the funeral. The love they all had for each other taking care of each other, and I see it in the children. I also see the love in the community through the mothers with their children, or with Santos laughing with us, or Sor Lidia playing with the children. Its great to see that even though the children sometimes have some of their innocence taken away they still have that child in them to love freely and to play. It’s great to see that the mothers have that playfulness in them too. I couldn’t imagine being in Cedro if it was all serious all the time.
One of the serious things we did with our class though was having them draw pictures of their family. Ut doesn’t seem serious but in reality, their families are so real to the life in El Salvador and Cedro. IT showed us how real a father figure not being around is. If there was a father in the picture, he was described as the worker. The mother was always described as calm or loving, but the father was the worker. It almost seemed to just show another line between men and women too. That line doesn’t seem to be extremely present in El Cedro, but as I look for it I can find some aspects of separation.
As far as what I wish would change at praxis would probably just be the being able to have more personal discussions. I feel like other than lunch we are either separate from the adults, or around other children. I also wish I knew more about what was ok to ask and was able to form better relationships with more adults. I would love more time just to sit and talk with people, but yet I love the way everything is now too.
Oh, and I love the palm tree on the way to praxis that stands alone overlooking the rest of the mountains and a beautiful horizon. It is the little things, right?


2-24-07
Hey all. There is not a whole lot to report right now due to the fact that I’m writing this early. Ok, wait, that’s a lie. I’m leaving early Thursday morning for Belize with the group which should be fun, but we’re all cramming into a bus the size of a short bus even though there are going to be about 30 of us plus bags for 8ish hours. I’m pretty excited!!! We’ll be going through other parts of El Salvador and Guatemala. Yea!!!
As far as other stuff, Friday was pretty good. History class was really interesting. We had a guest speaker who was an FMLN gorilla from the age of 13. She started in combat at that age and ended up losing 5 out of the 9 children in their family. 2 were killed and 3 disappeared. After the war she worked really hard to get an education and now works with past soldiers from both sides of the war. That night me and Ryan watched Voces Innocentes (Innocent Voices). Can you say hard? Wow, or as they would say here, Puchica!!! It’s about the life of a 11-12 yr old boy through the war and his family and friends. Let’s just say it’s another one of those movies that you watch and can’t help but cry. I actually had a nightmare that I was being chased through the woods by the military. The sad thing is that it was a true story. William, our night guard that you have heard a bit about came in and was saying how realistical the movie was about the war and how great of a movie it is to tell the truth about El Salvador and the violence of the war. I really want to talk to him more about why he feels that way and his experiences but this weekend we had a silent retreat so I didn’t have the opportunity to yet.
As for this weekend…it was good, and interesting. I didn’t have the great revelation that I have had on other retreats but it was very peaceful and made me think about some things. For example, I finally made myself name why I believe in God because I have been having some trouble with that for a while. After a lot of seeking, I was lying under this beautiful tree looking up at the sun shining through it, and around at all the other beautiful sights, and this is what I came to: How could I not with all the beauty in the world. Even among the pain and suffering, God shows himself through love. There has to be something greater that brings such beauty among bad. There would be no beauty and gratitude if we didn’t see the other side, so through seeing the other we better see the great things he gave us.
That’s what I came to. I still may struggle, but it’s a start while being here. I see a lot of good in the bad too though. There is so much love there and I can see that because it is one of the really good things that they have. It’s one of the really pure and wonderful things some of the Salvadorans have.
Anyhow, the reason the retreat was interesting was not because of my revelations, but because even though our group was supposed to be silent, we still found ways to make each other laugh through laying on a blanket and pulling people down a linoleum hall, and through climbing trees and throwing green mangos at people. We also found a way to make our first trip to the hospital. Don’t freak. Everyone was more-less ok and had the rules been followed it wouldn’t have happened. So, one of the rules is no being on roofs. Well, we had a little too much free time on our hands I think, because 3 of the group members found a way to get on the roof at the retreat center, and let’s just say the roofs here are not as strong as they are at home. Well, Ryan E. kind of fell through the roof and ended up hitting his head pretty hard. He now has 12 stitches in the back of his head.
Anyhow, I think that was the most excitement we had for the week. Somehow it’s not super surprising. Haha. .
Update-2-27-07, 3 ARENA top officers were killed in Guatemala and they caught the 4 Guatemalan police officers who did the killing and they were killed I jail because of being willing to talk) Also, on a brighter side, I had praxis and it was great! I realized that praxis is my favorite place to be in El Salvador. It is super fun and the people are great and I feel more welcome there than I really ever do anywhere else. There are always hugs and kisses walking in, and it’s just fabulous. Sor Lidia was a crazy driver yesterday because she she’s too short for her feet to reach the pedals very well. It was so funny. I swear the truck died about 6 times. I decided though that I want to learn to drive stick when I get home though, so to anyone that has a stick (truck) I want you to have patience to teach me!!!
I think that’s all-finally. Sorry it’s so long!!! Don’t expect an e-mail Thursday though because I’ll be on my way to Belize!!! Miss you all!!! Laura, I’ll be thinking of you driving through Guatemala.
Love,
Jessica~


3-15-07
Hey all. I’m actually writing this on the day that I’m planning to send it. How crazy!!! So this week has been really good here. I’m really starting to like it I think. I had a dream that I was coming home last night, and I was very sad waking up (no offence). Anyhow, this week in the life of me consisted of doing a lot of nothing, then going to the botanical gardens here on Sunday and sitting there for a couple of hours after walking around to read and such which was very peaceful. Then Monday was praxis which went well. We made Valentines Day cards for their families. Tuesday I only had one class because 3/5 of my classes for this week were cancelled (including the one I was supposed to have today so I have a free day!!!). Then yesterday…oh Valentines Day. I really don’t like this hallmark holiday, but it was really nice yesterday. Here Valentines Day is not all about g/f-b/f relationships; it’s about friendships, so we had a party. It was great. Sor Lidia brought piñatas and ice cream, and we brought some cupcakes, and it was the opening of their new playground yesterday. They were running and laughing and there were about 75 kids playing in one normal sized playground. It was great to see. Those kids are amazing. They make me day with their goofiness and laughter. Anyhow, we got home early, and I fell asleep outside on the lawn at the other house, and then after dinner, a group of 8 of us took taxis to a club and had a great night out. It was crazy! I really needed the break this week and it was great to get out of the house twice. The gardens were amazingly beautiful and it was supposed to be when El Salvador was like when it was indigenous people living on the lands. The club was defiantly a whole new culture for me too. I can officially say I have been to a real club (no I don’t count Wild Country as a real club).
Well, that’s really all. No big insights this week, but I’m doing well and enjoying myself. The break was much needed after last week.
Love and miss you all!!!
Jessica~

3-20-06
Hola amors,
So I should be doing my laundry that has been sitting in a bucket of water since Sunday, but instead I’m writing to you all so that you get an e-mail this week. Anyhow, what has happened since the last e-mail…prepare yourself, it’s been a lot, therefore this will be long.
Ok, so last Saturday I went to El Cedro for the day just to be there for another day because I had Saturday free. It was great. They had someone come in and talk to the kids about littering and the importance of nature. It was great to just be with the kids and not have responsibility. On the way home me and Sor Lidia had a very interesting talk, which was somewhat sad, but very important to have. I realized that day that one of the students in my class, Andres was the little girl Estephany’s relative. I said something to Sor and she told me that he was her uncle, and we began talking more about Andres. Sor things he’s getting into a gang (MS13) and about what he has done some things at school with writing MS13. we talked about how real gangs are everywhere in El Salvador because I didn’t think El Cedro would be so effected by gangs being so far away from everything. She said how she doesn’t think his mom has any idea, and that the reason he’s getting into it is because of how hard his life has been and it is a family and economic support for those that have nothing else. There were also other boys in the community, along with a cousin of one of my favorite boys in my class who are beign talked to by older gang members. I could go on about this issue, but I have 7 more days to go through.
Ok, so that night was the meeting with the SLU group that came down for spring break and it was great to see some people from SLU and see that they care enough to come and try to see the realities of another place even for a little while during their break. That really was so nice. Plus, I got to see past SLU alums from the casa which was really great because some of them had so much to do with me being here.
The next day was the bus ride to Nicargua. IT was fun. I met some Canadian surfers traveling Central America. We also talked to people traveling the world for 14 months doing one month per country. We got in early and went out to the JVI house and got to see out friend James there which was exciting, and went to where we were staying for a couple nights. It was with a family who was super sweet and talked to them for a while. We also met up with Sabrina and Monique that night.
The next day the 4 of us went with James to the school that he teaches English at and got to see a part of Nicargua that we wouldn’t have had the opportunity to see without him. The ride out there was more through the campo area which was good to see since we were going next to a colonial town. It was hard too because as James had pointed out there were mansions being built up in the campo. He pointed one out on the way and I just wanted to cry. I don’t know how to explain it, but I just felt horrible seeing such an extreme difference in income right next to each other, and it just made me think about the extremes in income between what I’m used to and there…and there were so many other things that I don’t even know that I can explain to myself right now about this, but it just pulled at my heart pretty hard. Watching the classes were great. They were entertaining and I was very impressed to see someone only a couple years older than me REALLY teaching kids something and making them laugh. After his first class we walked to a finca with some of the other awesome employees at the school and got to tour it. It was really awesome. They organically grew so many things such as pineapple, bananas, platanoes, tomatoes, lemons, ect. Later in the day me and Jenn met up with one of the women that hosts SLU students during the summer and got to talk to her for a while about Nicaragua, church, immigration, the war there and so one. It was a good visit. That night we went out to dinner with Sabrina’s cousin who lives in Nicaragua and had typical Nica food which was really good.
The next morning we tried to head out early, but got lost trying to find the bus station to buy our tickets back which was actually kind of sad because the guy we were staying with was driving us all around Nica in the back of his truck…haha. We got out tickets and ended up leaving about 11:30 for Granada. We got there well and met some really nice people on the micro, and then walked to the hostel we were staying at called the Bearded Monkey. It was awesome! There were rooms with 5 bunk beds, and then Jenn and I slept on a mattress on the floor, so there were 12 beds in the room and people were from all over. We met a guy Ralf from Denmark and some people from England along with Canada and around the states. The first day we just walked around, had lunch and saw some of the town. Nothing much.
Wednesday we went out to Laguna de Apoyo which was an old volcano crater made into a natural spring lagoon. That was an awesome day-extremely relaxing on tubes on the water. We took a pickup out there and again road in the back, which is so dangerous but so liberating at the same time. It’s the Central American way. Haha. I thought a lot during that time out there about how lucky I am to have the opportunity to go on a vacation and just lay in water and relax when people from my praxis and so many other places don’t even have the opportunity to stay home from work when they’re really sick, much less take vacation. They also hardly have enough money to feed their family with all the work they do and I have hardly worked and get to take an amazing vacation. It made me feel super guilty, but then I also realized that I need to be super grateful and enjoy it even more for that reason. That night we went out to see the night life in Granada which there wasn’t much, but we did find this really cool place called Café Nuit which had a live band and drinks. It was just a relaxing place to sit and chat.
The final day in Nica was by far the best as far as adventurous, but ever day made the trip in whole the best vacation ever. Thursday we got up early and me and Sabrina walked around Granada and shopped a tad, and then we found a place to do canopy tours. We found a really great place and signed up to go about 1pm. We left to go out to the middle of no where. We got to see the poorer side of Granada which was much needed to remember that Nica is the second poorest country in the Western Hem. We got to give 5 kids rides in the truck with us to their house and they seemed to be so excited about it. It was great to get to see their smiles and joy in getting a ride. Anyhow, once we got done with the really rough ride we found out we popped a tire in the truck which apparently was normal, and then got to overlook the Lake of Nica. BEAUTIFUL! We harnessed up, asked if anyone had died doing this, and then went out to the trees to our first platform (oh, and no one had died). We climbed the ladder up to the platform, scared as hell, and started. As the tour guide had warned, I ended up hanging over the trees like a Grandan Piñata because I braked too soon. That was an interesting and a bit scary. Haha. As we kept going it got better and better and more and more fun. The last line was the best because it was the longest (and highest!!!). I would love to go again sometime!!! It was awesome! That’s the only way I know to explain it.
Anyhow, that night we got to say goodbye to James and chat a little more which was really nice, and then went back to the house we had stayed at in the beginning until the bus ride. The ride home was more relaxing and just time to sleep and reflect a little. It was amazing to sleep in my bed with a fan near me after my sleeping adventures though…we won’t go into those, but it was great to be back in my bed here. The next day we went out to a dance with one of the Salvadoran students that live with us. Her family was great and her mom talked a little about her experiences in the war because the area they lived in was very effected. She was in the war from I believe the age of 8 until she was pregnant with Edith. Again it was good to be home and have my bed for the next night.
Yesterday at praxis was pretty normal. I realized how much I’m going to miss some of these kids and home much they really mean to me. They’re fabulous and so funny. Ok, well, this is long enough, or too long, therefore I’m done. Sorry I left out a lot of feelings and great things, but it’s just too much to write. Miss you all and love ya’ll. Peace and God Bless!
Love,
Jessica~

Hello loves, 4-16-07
I got kicked by a horse, almost passed out from chicken foot soup, and then gashed the bottom of my foot open, but I think that’s just part of calling El Salvador home. I have begun to really love it here. I don’t know what changed from the last e-mail that I said I was struggling, because that was very true, but I think I realized how soon I leave here, and how precious this time is. I will never get to relive this experience, or be such a part of great communities like I am now. As I said to my mom and some other people, yes, I’m excited to come home and see all the people I miss, but a little worried about the transition at the same time, and along with that, I am not at all excited to leave El Salvador and these people, or more family that I have made here. I’m still by no means a Spanish expert, but I don’t find that to be a horrible struggle anymore, and I just really love these people and their love.
Anyhow, I guess that’s enough of that. You all probably want to hear how I got kicked by the horse and gashed my foot open, or other more interesting things. So here goes…Back to campo, it was great. I stayed with one of the scholarship students, Adela for those of you who know the bacarios, and her grandma in a cute little town called Nueva Trinidad. Most of the week she had her 2 cute little nieces there too. We ate every day with a different family which was wonderful. Adela said that people from the town all wanted to get to know each other so they decided to do that. Anyhow, it was a really neat experience and made us feel like a really quick part of the town. We got a lot of information on immigration and war as I believe I said in the last e-mail and it showed a lot of strength. The whole town migrated from a refugee camp in Honduras in ’91, which was the last yr of the war; therefore the town has a recent but real history.
We spent a lot of time in church for holy week, and did processions and vigils. There was a washing of the feel and in depth services over the holy supper and all kinds of other things. They had living stations which was neat to see the community together.
Anyhow, it was just a wonderful experience (but also where I got kicked by the horse trying to get mangos out of the trees. I asked the owners if the horse was nice and they said yes, and we walked over together, and ya, it wasn’t a nice horse. It laid its ears back and turned its butt to me and kicked me hard. I still have the huge bruise. It’s a great battle wound. Haha) Easter was sad because we did nothing and there was no exciting mass, therefore I missed home, but it was still great.
Monday we came home and Tuesday had a regular day. Wednesday was praxis which went well. I ended up doing an interview at the end of the day and just enjoyed the kids. Thursday was a really good day. It was very hard with in immigration information but yet a very powerful time here where everything seemed to come together a little bit more. Then that night was a talent show with the whole Casa group which was pretty funny, although at times sick!!! Haha. A lot of people sang, but some did skits, which is where some of the disgusting came in. You can ask me about it when I get home if you want to know about it.
Friday was classes. Theology was interesting to say the least. Our teacher brought in a guest who works on using body energy. I think that says a lot for itself, but more less we were doing some crazy motions to release negative energies. Apparently it’s not for me. Haha. Then we had history where we had a war reporter, Don North come in and talk about his experiences with the war here and a little about Iraq. It was interesting to hear what he had to say about both. Then we had another man come in who was the president of the UCA in the early yrs of the war (I think) and was part of a coudetah. He ended up exiled, well, either leave or be killed I think, but he talked about how great some of the Jesuits from the UCA were, as well as Monsignor Romero and his relationship with them. Both speakers were really interesting and it was great to hear from them.
This weekend really wasn’t anything. I got some homework done and relaxed a little. I went to a horrible movie, and saw how truly Americanized other countries are through the coca-cola I always see, along with the “I like big butts” song playing in the music store right next to the McDonalds and Buffalo Wild wings. It kind of made me unhappy.
Today was an interesting day. I love my kids. They’re fabulous and just their smiles and personalities…wow. Sometimes they still laugh at my Spanish, but we just smile at each other really big and laugh, or make faces at each other. It’s fabulous. They’re so funny too. Anyhow, the almost passing out story and gashing the bottom of my foot open happened today. First the passing out… We finished our first class and I was feeling about 80%, which is pretty normal here and fine making tortillas. Then we go out and serve some chicken soup that was more less made of chicken feet and heads, or other undistinguishable parts, and I started getting dizzy, switched to tortilla duty, and started getting more dizzy, and then started walking back to the kitchen to sit down and literally was seeing black and white. There’s more to it, but it wouldn’t be interesting had I not started to feel better and went to a students house to meet her family and on the walk back stepped on a little sharp tree stump or something of the sort, and gashed my foot open. So in the end, the day was just interesting, and a little painful, but wonderful at the same time with my little wonderful kids. But I should go, the nurse/mom is here looking at my foot. Yea for mothers who are nurses too! Free services! Que suerte (what luck)!
Love ya’ll! See ya soon!
Love,
Jessica

Solidarity Journal
4-18-06
Praxis Seminar

What is Solidarity?

While she was cooking, her 14 year old daughter came in with a friend crying. Apparently a guy her age forcefully grabbed her and I’m not sure what all happened but I know he kicked her and it was enough to bring her in crying and make Nina Santos cry. It killed me though because she was cooking for us and she didn’t leave with Norma but finished, and then gave us plates and sat down and cried. We told her to do whatever she needed to do, but she still continues to take care of her work responsibilities and the center. It was that I think she didn’t know what to do. She seemed to feel powerless to go talk to the family, or walk to the school alone; in danger or something, so she couldn’t do anything.
The hard part was, she was in pain, Norma was in pain, and I couldn’t do anything. I hugged her and kissed her on the cheek, but that doesn’t make men maltreating women any better, nor does it give her the power to do anything. She asked if she should call the police, and I hated my feeling, but I didn’t feel the police here would care. I don’t trust them and a lot of the Salvadorans don’t. I think they’d blow it off because it is poor families who according to this system mean nothing to them.
Maybe that’s what solidarity is, being powerless with the people, but being with the people.
Maybe solidarity is seeing God walking among the people and being touched.
Maybe it’s standing at a funeral wanting to cry because I can feel the pain of loss along with them.
Maybe solidarity is not knowing how to help provide for those you love here.
Maybe it is being scared here and realizing that Salvadorans are scared too.
Maybe it’s not knowing how to say what I want to say, or understanding something to try to respond and therefore feeling left behind.
Solidarity could be playing with children in a stream where they bathe and laughing with them, and then jumping in with the mothers and laughing more with them.
Solidarity could be being uncomfortable and not doing anything about it for the sake of others.
Solidarity maybe wanting so much for those you love, and not being able to give it to them.
It maybe watching others suffer and having nothing to offer.
Maybe it is sitting under a tree and sharing a coconut with 12 others and mangos, oranges, and melon.
Maybe solidarity is watching an eleven year old girl in the kitchen serving the other children and realizing she grew up doing this.
Solidarity could be laughing with others, or smiling at each other.
Solidarity maybe jumping in the dirt with children, throwing mud at each other, and then rolling in the dirt.
Maybe solidarity is loving each other with all our hearts.
Maybe it’s being with a Salvadoran friend and hearing her grandma cough and gag throughout the night, while seeing the worry and fear in her face for the only person who has been with her since she was a child.
Or maybe it is just trying to understand, and in the meantime, having your heart hurt for the people you meet, and starting to really feel more through hearing and seeing it.
In general, I do not think I can define solidarity as one thing. In the end I think it is a feeling that comes over time, and not just a feeling, but a strong sentiment. I think it is love and compassion, being with people and really wanting to be there. I think it is pain, joy, powerlessness, tears, and laughter.
I do not think I lived in solidarity with the people, but I think I got closer to knowing what it means and closer to understanding their lives. I think I felt hopelessness and powerlessness here with them, and I think I experienced their joy and community. I think I cried just because of seeing there pain, and through seeing it I was able to feel it.


4-19-07 (?)
Hey everyone, There is struggle, pain, and love. I{m learning more than I ever thought possible, and my heart hurts and makes me want to do so much more. I´m leaning that we as U.S. citizens have sooooo incredibly much privilege that others around the world do not have. As you can see, since the last e-mail things have been crazy but also some of the best learning i have had here. Last week I went to the campo. I thought of home a lot, and of the friends and family I have made here in El Salvador. The other day I told one of the Salvadoran mothers that as much as I miss my own mom, I have tons of mothers here looking after me and loving me, supporting me, and being with me as I try my best to be with them. I´ve finally fallen in love here. I´ve fallen in love with their strength and their struggle. This week in campo I talked to so many families about the war, and to see how they go on when their whole family was killed, such as Julio, whose mother and 5 brothers and sisters were killed, and then 13 more of his family members at a massacre, and he is amazing. He is a leader in his community, and does his own laundry. That is a big thing here in El Salvador. Women are so far behind men. (I heard various stories in praxis yesterday about how even if the women are sick, they are expected to go to the river and do laundry and cook, or their husband wont let them eat-that’s not in all families, but just the idea that it happens and there is nothing that can be done about it here because of lack of human services…)
We also heard about immigration. Today, immigration has just pulled at my heart strings as Fr. JJ would say. It did over the time in the campo, but even more today. Anyhow, first the campo immigration. Almost everyone in the campo had someone, parents, cousins, brothers, sisters, someone in the states. There were children left with family so their parents could earn money in the states to feed them, there were sisters taking care of these children. We talked about how one of the family members was in the states and was taking English classes, and wanted to get her high school diploma and more education but didn’t have enough money to do that. Anyhow, it was just a hard realization to talk about and realize the reason they leave is that there really truly is no work here to support a family and how hard it is. Then today we had a presentation from Tom, one of the staff members here who took the trip to the states that the immigrants take, and he told about this trip. It was ridiculous. People are seen as the same as drugs when it comes to boarder crossings in the way that the human and drug traffickers work together, and the border patrol take the same bribes of money and such. It really made us look at how undocumented people are not even seen as people on this journey. He told us about separated families, and how almost all women making the trip take the 6mo anti pregnancy shot because it´s about 100% that they will get raped on the way.
There is so much he told us he learned on this trip, but the one thing it made me think about so much was human suffering here, not only in El Salvador but thought Central America. Of course this is not the first time I thought of this, but today I just put it all together, esp after talking at praxis yesterday with Santos about her life and women’s rights.
I think in general it has just been a reality check here recently. Between the freedom we have as Americans, how we look at the world and the ignorance I had and such, along with the extreme poverty here, i´m really opening my eyes. I think at times before this month I had seen the poverty and tried to be somewhat apathetic to it in a way, but I really stated to think about it more, and the injustice of the lack of education, water, resources, knowledge, political willingness to help, and so many more things. I guess more than apathetic I just didn’t look at all the things together, and now I am seeing the bigger picture. I´ve been thinking about what I can do when I get home, and what I want to do. I´ve been thinking about how things are going to be different when I get home, and how I´m going to miss here and the amazing people I have fallen in love with here whose voices could never be heard, but our voices can be heard if we choose to let them. I guess in general, I’ve just been thinking a lot, and being pulled all over the place. It’s good though.
Anyhow, I want to tell you all about campo and how great it was along with my great experiences, and what hit me and the stories to way, but as time is a condition, right now is what students call crunch time, and we have that here too. I miss you all here, and will be home shortly. I hope you all can have patience with me though because I have a feeling my heart is going to be all over the place and very passionate when I get home. Mom, Dad, the rest of the family, I know you’re dreading that part of seeing me after this experience. . . haha. Anyhow, love you all. Off to papusa night!!!
Hugs, Kisses, and lots of love,
Jessica

Sorry if I was all over the place and ya´ll didn’t understand!!!